Happily Un-Married!
Living Together & Loving It!
THE FACTS!
- There are nearly 10 million Americans or 8% of U.S. coupled households, living with an unmarried different- sex partner, 1.2 million Americans living with a same-sex partner, 11% of unmarried partners are same-sex couples.
- Similar to the U.S., Western Europe and Especially the Scandinavian countries have some of the highest rates of cohabitation in the world. In addition, and as an understandable result, these countries have low rates of marriage and high levels of divorce.
- As
further evidence of the blurring of boundaries between cohabitation and
marriage, cohabitating couples in these countries have almost identical
rights and responsibilities in the area of taxation, inheritance and
childcare.
- 41%
of women ages 15-44 have cohabited (lived with unmarried different-sex
partner) at some point. This includes 9% of women ages 15-19, 38% of
women ages 20-24, 49% of women ages 25-29, 51% of women ages 30-34, 50%
of women ages 35-39, and 43% of women ages 40-44.
- The number of unmarried couples living together increased 72% between 1990 and 2000.
- The number of unmarried couples living together has increased tenfold between 1960 and 2000.
REASONS GIVEN FOR COHABITATING!
- Living with someone first is a way to avoid divorce and to test compatibility or establish financial security before marrying.
- Many see little difference between the commitment to live together and the commitment to marriage and it is easier to establish and dissolve.
- Cohabiting couples do not have to seek legal or religious permission to form or dissolve their union.
- Some cohabitating couples do so to escape from family turmoil.
- Nearly half of all cohabitating couples plan to marry.
- Many cohabitate to share living expenses, to avoid loneliness or in response to social pressure to find a mate.
- Cohabitating can be seen as a reflection of society’s “do your own thing” attitude of low-commitment and high-autonomy reflected in pop culture, music and the entertainment industry.
- Cohabitation is more common among those who are less religious.
- People who cohabit are much more likely to come from a home where their parents divorced.
- Couples from divorced families are much more likely to cohabit in an attempt to avoid the mistakes of their parents and they often start living together at younger ages than they would typically marry.
- In many cases, living together is an understandable attempt to avoid the painful experiences of being raised in a broken home.
- Many cohabitating couples see themselves as far more independent than previous generations and they no longer count on a committed partner for financial, physical or emotional needs or general daily chores such as cooking and cleaning.
- Cohabitating young people feel they have greater choice, more time to choose a partner and less of a need to make a full commitment.
RESULTS OF COHABITATION!
- Those involved in serial cohabitation find it is easier to continually dissolve relationships including marriages. However, those who never cohabitate but marry and divorce, find it easier to file for another divorce, as well. The failure rate of second or even third marriages bears this out.
- Most cohabitating couples who break up will end up in another cohabitating relationship.
- Women often get dumped by men who move onto younger women as their next cohabitating partner.
- If children are involved, they usually stay with the mother, which reduces her chances of finding another suitable partner.
- In addition, children continue to suffer since they are not clear about the relationship between parents and how they fit into their life.
- Religion
is less likely to be an important part of the life of a cohabitating
couple since, in most cases, religion does not approve of cohabitating
partnerships.
- At the same time while many cohabitating partners recognized that their living together is wrong by religious standards, they could not envision an alternative way of living.
- Cohabiting couples report being less happy and less sexually satisfied due, in part, to less monogamy among cohabitating couples.
- Cohabiting couples report feeling less connected to a community and need to make an effort to reach out to socialize with others since cohabitating couples are not as readily accepted in society, at least not yet.
- Depression among cohabiting couples is triple the rate of married couples, while physical aggression happens twice as often as it does among married partners, and cohabitating women are more likely than married women to suffer physical and sexual abuse.
- 75% of children born to cohabiting parents will see their parents split up before they reach age 16 while this happens to only 1/3 of children born to married parents.
- The rise in and acceptance of cohabitation means that legal marriage is becoming one of just several alternative lifestyle choices.
- As cohabitation becomes stronger, the institution of marriage is likely to be weakened but the gap between the two is closing as cohabiting couples increasingly gain the same legal benefits and responsibilities as married couples.
- Some
claim that extending the benefits of being married condones a fragile
family structure where women and children are at greater risk.
- Mainstreaming cohabitation may mean that societal expectations of live-in relationships will rise, pressuring cohabitating couples to be more mindful and purposeful when forming and maintaining cohabitating family units.
- Many women tend to see living together as the next step before marriage while many men see it as a sexual opportunity without the commitment.
- Current
evidence does not show that living together before marriage increases
the likelihood of happy and long-lasting marriages.